Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she pinky promised me she was 18
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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