I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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