you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
