in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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