I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize