ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
