I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
