Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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