Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
