people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
