i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
