Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize