so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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