i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
