Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it's like iHOP with fire
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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