Non-Jews are for practice
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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