So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
