do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
