he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
