Barsexuality is the new black.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
