His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
