WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
