Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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