I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
