Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
