Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just cut my nipple shaving
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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