I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My dick has a subreddit
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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