thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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