I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
