She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
