I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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