he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
