My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Randomize
