I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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