U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
