How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
