My nipple is on Facebook.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
