the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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