Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
