Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
