i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
