She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
