I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
