that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
