had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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