We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
