the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
