I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
