Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
