You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
