This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
