I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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