Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize