You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I would fuck him just for his dog
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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