Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
