it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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