hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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