either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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