I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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