Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize