Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
