Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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