remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
