Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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