i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
