It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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