the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
