It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
